You Might Be a Nurse If..
You believe that there is a special place in hell for the inventor of the call light.
You believe that not all patients are annoying....Some are dead.
You believe that the gene pool could use a little chlorine. You use the acronym FOS for constipated patients...(Full of shi*).
You have told a patient to "Get some rest now" and they die right there,
in front of you and their family
You believe that no matter how much you care some people are just assholes.
You believe PIA (Pain in the Ass) is an acceptable admitting diagnosis from ER.
You don't mention the name of a frequent flyer so as not to
invoke his spirit to bring him/her to the ER and then to your unit.
When asked..."What color is the patients diarrhea?"
...you show the doctor your shoes.
You can discuss dismemberment over a meal like it is normal.
You notice that you use more four letter words than before you became a nurse.
You look in your closet and you can't find anything non-medical to wear.
You can comfort anxious patients with..."I know just how you feel..It's my first IV too."
You can cover your mistakes with Versed.
When you get a call telling you the name of your next patient
and you do the care plan before they get to the floor...
When called for orders...the M.D. says..."Write them yourself..
you know the patient better than I do."
You believe all bleeding stops....eventually.
You believe everybody has to die sometime.
Ever told a confused patient you name was that of your co-worker
and to YELL really loud if they need help
You know its a full moon without having to look at the sky.
You've ever held a 14 gauge needle over a patients vein and said....
"okay..you are going to feel a little stick."
You shock someone with an unrecognizable rhythm
until you get one you do recognize.
You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.
You have encouraged obnoxious patients to sign out AMA.
You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.
You believe every waiting room should have a valium salt lick.
You refer to vegetable and you don't mean the food group.
You believe the lab should have a "dumb shi*" profile on the requisition form.
You firmly believe that "too stupid to live"should be a diagnosis.
You have to leave the patient before you begin to laugh uncontrollably.
You believe a good tape job will fix anything.
You have your weekends off planned a year in advance.
You are totally astounded when someone from a nursing home is understandable.
You look at the veins of everybody you meet.
You think a referral to Dr. Kevorkian is perfectly appropriate in some cases.
You have ever restrained somebody...and it wasn't a sexual experience